The Ministry of Truth

Facing certain defeat, emo McCain supporters carving M's into their faces

Sat, 25 Oct 2008 16:41:27 -0400

McCain campaign links Barack Obama to that really annoying guy at your workplace in new web ad

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 11:20:00 -0400

Writers at Saturday Night Live bummed they might actually have to write something for the opening sketch this time

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 11:06:05 -0400

Pakistan's economy booming from increased tourism thanks to debate mentions

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 11:02:41 -0400

Michigan asks McCain to gather his personal belongings, escorts him to border

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 11:00:23 -0400

Breaking: A poll on some website says that Palin totes won the debate

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 10:57:30 -0400

Average Americans totally concerned about the real issues that OH LOOK A KITTEN

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 10:54:29 -0400

Palin brings her folksy, white trash, shit-kicking tone to debate

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 10:51:14 -0400

Commentary: Moderator Gwen Ifill hid her African-Americanism from GOP until two days before debate

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 10:45:00 -0400

McCain: Obama increases production of white flags in preparation for full surrender to everyone

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 10:43:34 -0400

Young voters unsatisfied with debate after drinking game left nobody shitfaced

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 10:41:00 -0400

Lack of phrases like “aborted fetus” and “white trash hillbilly cunt” blamed for debacle.

Palin defies expectations by not committing seppuku during debate

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 10:35:06 -0400

President orders air strikes against jackass with leaf blower next door

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 10:31:45 -0400

Loud noise from device had disturbed the serenity of Bush’s vacation at his Texas Ranch

Crawford, Texas — President Bush ordered full military air strikes against the jackass with the leaf blower next door from the backyard hammock of his ranch in Texas this afternoon.

President Bush announced the start of the military campaign against his next door neighbor’s Lawn Specialist in a televised address to members of the Crawford Homeowners Association.

“American forces are in the early stages of military operations to disarm the jackass next door with his irritating leaf blower and to free the people of this peaceful subdivision,” Bush said.

Administration sources said the decision to strike came after a meeting in Bush’s backyard in which the President was becoming increasingly frustrated with the defiance displayed by the jackass and his leaf blower. Pentagon officials told Bush that the they could lose the “target of opportunity” if they didn’t act quickly, and the President gave the green light.

“I’m laying back on my hammock here, just trying to relax with some of Laura’s fine lemonade,” the President said to reporters. “And before I can even start to enjoy it, this jackass next door starts revving one of those awful leaf blowers. He was at it for nearly half an hour before I took him out.”